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You can use a mediator to help you and your ex-partner agree on child arrangements. This can often mean you do not have to go to court.

A mediator is a professional who will work with you to help you make decisions based on your child’s best interests. They listen to both sides and take a neutral approach.

If it’s suitable, a mediator can talk to your child about what they want. This is called ‘child-inclusive mediation’.

You can attend sessions in person or remotely (for example by video or phone). You do not have to be in the same room or call as your ex-partner.

Mediation is not relationship counselling.

What mediation can help with

Mediation can help you and your ex-partner agree on the details of how you’ll look after your child, such as:

• where they live
• when they spend time with each parent
• when and what other types of contact take place (for example, phone calls) 
• how to cover your child’s living costs (for example, housing and day to day care)

Before you start mediation

You may need to go to an initial meeting with the mediator. This is sometimes called a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

At this meeting, the mediator will give you advice about the mediation process, discuss your situation and help you to decide if mediation is right for you. They may also explain other ways you can agree on child arrangements without going to court.

If you decide to go to court, you’ll usually need to show you’ve attended a MIAM before you apply. If you attend a MIAM but your ex-partner does not, you can still apply to go to court.

You will not have to go to a MIAM in some circumstances, for example if there’s been domestic abuse.

After you go to a MIAM

The mediator will sign a form that shows you attended. You’ll need to show this if you apply to go to court. Only a mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council can sign the form.

How much a MIAM costs

The cost of a MIAM depends on the mediator you choose. The usual cost is around £120. You and your ex-partner will need to attend your own MIAM separately.

You do not have to pay for a MIAM if either you or your ex-partner qualifies for legal aid.

How much mediation costs

Mediation is usually cheaper and quicker than going to court.

The cost of a MIAM is separate from the cost of mediation.

You and your ex-partner will need to decide how the cost of mediation is shared.

Get up to £500 towards the cost of mediation

You can usually get a voucher worth up to £500 to pay for family mediation, regardless of what you earn. 

The voucher usually pays for a minimum of 2 mediation sessions, depending on where you live and the type of mediation. For example, mediation where each parent is in a different room could cost more.

You and your ex-partner can only use one voucher to jointly cover your mediation costs for up to £500 – you cannot apply for multiple vouchers.

Find out how the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme works.

How to get a mediation voucher

Ask an accredited mediator to apply for the voucher. You do not need to pay upfront for any sessions the voucher covers.

Get legal aid

You may also be able to get legal aid to cover the cost of mediation if you’re on a low income.

If both you and your ex-partner are eligible for legal aid

Legal aid will cover the costs of:

• a MIAM
• any mediation sessions needed after the MIAM
• applying for a consent order (a document that makes your agreement legally binding)

If only one parent is eligible for legal aid 

Legal aid will cover the costs of: 

• a MIAM

• the first mediation session for both parents after the MIAM

It will also cover any further costs of the parent who’s eligible for legal aid. It will not cover the other parent’s costs.

Check if you can get legal aid.

What happens next

If you reach an agreement, you’ll get a document at the end of mediation showing what you and the other person have agreed. You do not need to do anything else.

If you want to make your agreement legally binding, you should hire a solicitor. They’ll draft a consent order. You can then apply to court to ask a judge or magistrate to review and confirm the order.

If the mediator thinks that mediation is not right for you, they might advise you to go to court instead.

If you need more help agreeing

You can get help with .

You can also:

• ask a solicitor about other ways to resolve issues out of court
• to find out about any other help you can get
• ask for support from social services, if issues like domestic violence or drug abuse are making it harder to agree on child arrangements
• find out more about what family mediation involves on the